In appreciation of a recent hilarious (but disturbingly accurate) post by Ten out of Ten, I'll offer this post.
For all folks outside of the medical field, this is some helpful inside information.
There are a number of things that you can say to any doctor or nurse that will cause us to involuntarily roll our hidden proverbial eyes and take everything else you say less seriously.
Though this list is intended to be humorous, I'm dead serious. If your doctor or nurse is skilled, you won't see or hear the eye roll, but trust me, it's there. I'd strongly recommend avoiding these interchanges if you can help it (unless you really have multiple allergies).
1. "My normal temperature is 97, so 99.1 is a fever for me."
2. Having more than 3 allergies (or anyone allergic to benadryl).
3. Being on a cell phone or getting a call and responding in any way other than immediately getting off the phone.
4. Rating pain anywhere close to 10/10, unless you are in writhing. Trust me, we've seen people in 10/10 pain. We know what it looks like.
5. Talking about your pain threshhold. If I've been your doctor, I already know what it is.
6. Stumbling on names of controlled substances. If you really want Percocet, saying "I think it's called percy-, perco-, perky-something" doesn't make us think you're anything but scamming.
Doctors enter every patient visit with thousands of previous patient visits as guides, and we involuntarily tack baggage onto patients and complaints. Avoiding the above comments may improve your ability to communicate your complaint effectively to your doctor.
PS On a slightly related note, when your doctor asks you "How long?", "a while" is not a useful answer. Neither is "a good while", "a long time", "a bit", or "dunno". We're looking for a number followed by a unit of time. If you answer "3 weeks" your doctor will smile. You may not see it, but it's there.