Friday, March 7, 2008

Let Down


I feel like the roses that dropped these petals.


What a month. Henry has bounced back amazingly. Why don't I feel better?


I'm tired. I'm irritable. I'm not enjoying him. I'm not enjoying the girls. I feel like wrapping myself in a cocoon of isolation and staying there for days. But I know that would do nothing but make things worse.


During Henry's chemo and the ensuing side effects, I was master of my universe. Little sleep, no time, but full of energy, endless patience, strength, and emotional control. I was tempted to say that I was running on adrenaline, but I've done that before, lots of times, and this was different. Running on adrenaline is more manic, more primitive. This was like I was the Earth Mother, calm, wise, with enough love and energy for all.


It's over now. The great Spirit of the Earth Mother has moved on to another mortal vessel.


I hope she visits again. Henry's got another round of high dose chemo and another stem cell transplant next month.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

She will...

SOCKS said...

Anonymous said is all.

rlbates said...

Echo the others. Take care.

TBTAM said...

sounds like you ahd exactly what you needed when you needed it. Now you don;t, so take some time and energy for yourself. It'll be back agian when and if you need it.

Jen said...

It will come back- when you're in this period of relative calm, try to do ANYTHING that you can to renew yourself.

janet said...

hang in there. it will come....

Anonymous said...

our body and spirit are pretty amazing---they both need a period of rest.
your strength will return
k3p3