Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Until a month ago, I'd never had a facial. I'm not sure how I missed the experience up to now, but it's probably a combo of lack of money and lack of time. Medical school and 3 kids will do both of those things to you.
A dear friend gave me a gift certificate to a fancy salon near our apartment during our extended stay near the hospital. I took great pleasure in viewing the 'menu' of the salon, and finally decided to go for it.
I may have found the origins of schizophrenia.
The experience overwhelms your senses with pleasures: soft relaxing music, mood lighting, pleasant scents. Somehow a glass of chilled white wine ends up in your hand. The technician comes in and talks to you like you're her best friend. There are scented oils, massaging, steam, lotions...
And then it all changes.
My new best friend turned into Mommy Dearest.
"Have your pores always been so big?"
"Don't you ever exfoliate?"
"Do you have rosacea?"
"Exactly what kind of product do you use?"
"This one is really big...I'm going to need the comedone extractor."
At this point, I was all but bound and gagged. My wrists were in some sort of handcuffs masquerading as a hand softeners. My eyes were covered with pads, ostensibly to protect them from the steam bath. And she came after me again and again with that torture instrument. I couldn't see where she would hit. She only quit after I started sneezing uncontrollably when she got too aggressive with my nose.
And then, it all started to fade away to peacefulness again. I could hear the eastern music. I could smell the lavender scented oils, feel the warmth of the bed I was reclining on. She was my friend again, at least long enough to recommend a 1.4 oz vial of something that cost $48 to make my pores less visible from the international space station. (Inwardly I scoffed but ended up buying it a week later, since my face really did look better.)
Since then, I haven't seen any small children recoiling in terror from my excessive dead skin or monstrous comedones. Whatever she did must have worked. I'll schedule my next one soon. This time, I'll drink two glasses of wine.