Thursday, December 11, 2008


This is the word Henry used to describe how he felt about his older sister's Holiday concert at school.

I didn't even know he knew the word, let alone could spontaneously use it appropriately in a sentence.

His progress is remarkable. He feels the best that he's felt since before this all began. He's eating from four food groups (really, five, since Chick-Fil-A is it's own), sleeping all night, running, doing artwork, playing games, telling jokes. He wants to be with me, help me with my household duties, go places, meet new people, try new foods. He all but refuses to sit and watch TV - it's just too dull an activity.

I don't know this child.

At first, I resented it. It angered me, his beautiful and blossoming personality. This was something more that I would grow to love, and have to lose. Another piece of Henry that would be taken from me. Is it really better to have loved and lost?

I hope it is. I'm hopelessly in love with four year old Henry. I'm no longer angry, I'm grateful that I've gotten to know who he is now. This time with him is a time that I didn't expect to have. I expected the "palliative chemo" to help delay his headaches, his vomiting, his somnolence. I didn't in my wildest dreams expect it to give him back to me, whole.

I know it can't last. I know it won't. But I must say, I'm impwessed.


THAT GIRL said...

Children are very wise little creatures, aren't they? I think they know all of life's secrets... what a sweet boy you are blessed to love.

Anonymous said...

I agree with That Girl.....children are very smart, and often wiser than us adults.
Tell my Hero I am very im-pwessed too.

rlbates said...

I'm so impwessed you have this lovely child named Henry! Enjoy.

Eric, AKA The Pragmatic Caregiver said...

I'm totally impwessed. I'd be *REALLY* impwessed if he liked extra pickles on his Chick-Fil-A, because, clearly, all right-thinking people (like, say, ME) think that's the best way to eat them.

When my mom was in the ER the first night of this spectacular relapse (rule out ischemic stroke - turned out to be a cranial met pressing on a nerve)....the first thing I did after I got to Phoenix was find out if she'd had anything to eat and subsequently stopped by Chick-Fil-A for something a step up from hospital food. I think the stuff has magical healing powers.

I totally hear where you're coming from, but I'm thrilled you're getting to have time like this.


Anonymous said...

My Daniel was born the day after your post about the resurgence of Henry's cancer. I didn't even know of your blog at the time.

Now I can't fathom your strength, to go on loving and mothering all your children in the midst of this grief.

God be with you and yours. Your Henry sounds lovely and amazing. How you cherish him while you have him!


...tom... said...


Like the others I am impwessed by the power of today to mute tomorrow, if only temporarily.

I hope you fill every moment you can with 'knowing this child'. These moments will enrich and sustain both of you beyond your expectations.


Anonymous said...

Enjoy every beautiful memorable moment! And, yes, it is better to love even if you have to lose!


JeanMac said...

Bless his heart and yours!

Jen said...

I am so glad that you're getting this wonderful time together. What a blessing.