Step one: deal with the impending death of your 4 year old son.
Step two: be thankful for this being the way he will go.
Henry is comfortable, thanks to some morphine for headaches. His personality, intellect, and sense of humor is intact. He's sleepier and sleepier, almost noticably changing daily. The kid who barely slept 8 hours a day on the chemo that everyone assured us would snow him is up to about 15 hours of sleep with night and naps. He's loving food, he's enjoying rituals like cartoons, reading books, doing puzzles. He enjoys family, visitors, new experiences.
Our hope is that he'll just continue to get sleepier and sleepier, until he passes. We've seen some other kids with Henry's tumor not be so lucky. We've seen some other kids with other cancers really not be so lucky. And of course, children die all of the time from other causes, traumatically, in the hospital, unpredictably. What a luxury to be able to have this time with him, to tell wrap him in love and comfort.
There's so much to be thankful for. I just have to keep reworking step one.