Henry was never old enough to make me a Mother's Day card with a fat red crayon, the words trailing down the side since he hadn't planned ahead and left enough room.
It makes today easier, because I don't miss it.
When your young child dies, what do you miss? My ten year old used to make me those cards, and her four year old self is as absent from me as Henry is. I'm certain I don't remember Mother's Day with her at age 4.
Right now I miss him, as he was when he died. Is that what I will always miss? Will I "miss" him as he would have been at age 10? Can you miss what never was?
I've never been overly into Mother's Day, except for the fact that it tends to land on a sunny spring Sunday. I don't expect today to be awful for me, but I've been unexpectedly broadsided enough times that it wouldn't surprise me. I am forever fortunate to have my beautiful girls, and will try to keep that in mind today.
When I'm not feeling so sad, I can be grateful for being Henry's mom too. Some days I can't help that being outweighed by missing him.