Saturday, August 29, 2009

Mr. Smak

I know, more than most, that I can't do anything to help him.

I see him pause outside Henry's room, peering in for some sense of comfort.
I hear the acceptance of pain in his voice.
I see the slope of his shoulders on bad days, and know what it means.
I know the fleeting nature of joy for him now.
I watch him try to avoid the mines hidden in every day experiences.
I hold him when he needs it.
I look for places to give him solace.

I hate what this has caused in him, what it continues to do to him. It's his life, he can't and wouldn't escape it if he could, but I so wish he didn't have to do this.

It hurts me so to see him hurting. And I know that reciprocally, my grief adds to his.

All we can seem to do is acknowledge one anothers' pain, and promise to keep going.


...tom... said...

As the father of two girls and a boy I can not imagine the absence of any of them for their older years. Especially the boy. Especially as a father...

It hurts me so to see him hurting. And I know that reciprocally, my grief adds to his.

I am hoping, and believing, that 'reciprocally' your strengths and insights and love for each other and your daughters all meld together, creating a way to just get through another day . . .if not plan for and enjoy the future.

Not to add any pressure (as if that were possible) . . .but we, your friends and faithful readers, will also hold you to that "promise to keep going."

{{Hugs as always...}}


Anonymous said...

Dr. Smak, being fortunate to know both you and Mr. Smak in real life, and not just cyber space--> I clearly see what tremendous support you each provide the other.
Take time to take care of yourself, as well as him and your gals.

SOCKS said...

Dr Smak,

I check your site daily with anticipation and hope that you've written something. Your writing is so sensitive, profound, humorous and personal. Even in the pain that you share and your readers are involved with, your writings are anticipated and received in a positive way.

May I say, without sounding cliche and insensitive,
I also look forward to TOM'S comments. And, when he writes, he never disappoints me. What a valuable tool we have - this Cyber space thing - if I could only remember my passwords.

Thinking of you and caring for your's - always.

Anna said...

Beautifully written. I can't imagine anything more painful for a couple than losing a child. It is good that your pain - yours and your husband's - is pulling you closer and not pushing you apart. Big hug. Keep going.

winecat said...

It hurts me so to see him hurting. And I know that reciprocally, my grief adds to his.

oh how true. I can think of nothing worse than watching my husband suffer and not be able to help in any way.