Monday, October 12, 2009

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the two year anniversary of Henry's diagnosis.

This time of year is so hard. The smells, the leaves turning, the crisp air, all brings so much back. His diagnosis, his surgery, our utter shock and horror, and then his relapse the following year coinciding.

Halloween is even worse. For the last two years I've put on a strained happy face so the kids could enjoy it, hating every minute. Henry was so scared in 07, it was just after his craniotomy and he felt awful. Last year was our Disney trip, we were trying so hard to feel happy, especially for the girls, but he again felt terrible.

This has been a hard week. A dear friend has received some bad health news related to her own child. I can feel her anger and confusion, it mirrors my own two years ago.

We have our bereavement group again this week, I have been looking forward to it since the last one. I'm hoping for a little relief.

11 comments:

rlbates said...

Keeping you in my thoughts. {{{hugs}}}

SOCKS said...

Tears came easily today as I remembered. I remembered Oct 13 and also the subtle changes that were seen in Henry (in hindsight) before October 13.

I try to focus on the fun times we had together in that 1 1/2 years. Henry never objected to going to JHH, he was a pro with his "tubies" and was so sure to coach each new caregiver on how to manage them correctly. He was proud when he rang the bell signifying his last radiation treatment. He told me last fall, "I couldn't eat strawberries when I had cancer." He never knew that it had come back. That was such a blessing.

I watch in deep sorrow as his parents try to heal and go forward. Such a hard journey, such a special child to have known.

A Doc 2 Be said...

Hugs and supportive thoughts your way...

Annapolitan said...

Holding you in my thoughts today.

Anonymous said...

I still can feel the very moment you called to tell me he had a brain tumor...I remember exactly where I was, what I was looking at, the sinking feeling of my body and spirit...very vivid memory.

I know acceptance is important but right now...I wish I never received that call...and that you never had to make the call. Here is to Henry...all that he endured and all that we love about him.

Sister Smak

Karen said...

I hope the bereavement group can offer you some encouragement.

Snickollet said...

I'm a day late to say that the anniversary of diagnosis day is a hard one. The grieving starts then, and just keeps going.

Thinking of you, of your sweet boy, and of the rest of your family.

...tom... said...

...

@ SOCKS...

you said...
"He was proud when he rang the bell signifying his last radiation treatment."

..??

Not to pry ...but a tradition or ...uhmm 'rite of passage' for the kids of the treatment center/group..?? Sounds like it had/has gravitas and import for those who earn the privilege to do it.

Just curious.


...tom...

P.S. Dr. Smak, I will be thinking of Henry (and family) when admiring all the kids in costume at the door this Halloween...

femail doc said...

I remember the cold-water-in-face shock of your blog post 2 years ago, trying to imagine the blow to all of you. So many difficult memories along with the joyful ones ...thinking of you!

Katerina said...

Dear Dr. Smak,

You and your family have been a lot in my thoughts. I have nothing profound to offer but my heart aches for you.

Arlene (AJ) said...

Know you are kept in my thoughts and prayers always....remember the happy times with Henry and may it comfort you dear.