Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Take it easy on me

If I lost a leg in a car accident, I don't think I'd spend most of my time being really thankful that I still had three limbs.

Why do I expect to be able to get past my loss so quickly, just because I have so many other blessings in life?

12 comments:

Susan said...

Amen to that - that is one of the worst comments - about feeling grateful for you other children...ugh

Stacy said...

So very true. I couldn't agree with you more.

rlbates said...

I regret that I didn't understand that when my mother lost her oldest child, my brother, in 1982. I remember feeling / saying that she still had of us remaining. So very sorry, Dr Smak. I wish I could tell my mother that I now understand.

Kelly said...

Thinking of you.

A Doc 2 Be said...

/hugs

This will be a hard time of year for possibly many years to come... this and little Henry's birthday.

These event days do get easier as time goes on but never easy.

Be kind to yourself, be easy on yourself...

Many virtual hugs to you and your family.

winecat said...

In my unasked for opinion I think part of it is because you are a doctor. You're trained to fix things, to make people better. Henry's death isn't something you can fix. I'm so sorry because if I had a magic wand I'd wave it over you and try to make the pain go away.

Take all the time you need to heal, your girls will understand that you love them no less but that Henry's death has left you with a great gaping hole in your heart.

Sending hugs your way

Anonymous said...

Remember the quote from the New Yorker article:

Additional studies suggest that grief comes in waves, welling up and dominating your emotional life, then subsiding, only to recur. As George A. Bonanno, a clinical psychologist at Columbia University, writes in “The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss,”

When we look more closely at the emotional experiences of bereaved people over time, the level of fluctuation is nothing short of spectacular.

Here's an interview with George Bonanno: http://grokscience.wordpress.com/2010/02/03/good-grief/

...tom... said...

...

..?!?

Take it easy on me

vs.

Why do I expect to be able to . . ..


Expectations you feel others are imposing..?? Or yourself..??


Just a little unclear to me. Too important of a distinction to be left ambiguous.

No offense intended.



...tom...
.

Dr. Smak said...

Tom,

If other people think I should be over it, I haven't heard about it.

This is to me, to take it easy on me.

Unless you count my underlying evil desire to plant ABBA songs in everyone's head.

Smak

...tom... said...

...
This is to me, to take it easy on me.

Ahh.

You know the old saw about being 'your own worst critic'. I am sure some twisted morph of that thought might be busy here.


February . . .yucchhh!! How can anyone find peace with himself/herself in this most desolate of months..?!?


Thinking of you as always...



...tom...
.

ADB said...

It will get less difficult as the years go on, Dr Smak. Your sorrow will remain with you, but in a manageable form. Strength to you.

Lily said...

I'm coming to find out that our own expectations are the ones that couldn't be more warped. And it isn't that anyone ever says anything to you that makes you think you need to hurry up and "get over it", it's just in our nature to feel as though we have to abide by some unwritten time table and move on with life. No one expects you to. I pray for you often.